GINOSKO - Deep and Rich Intimacy

Ginosko - to know

    As John explains that Jesus came revealing the Father (whom no one had ever seen), he says in verse 1:10 that the “world did not recognize him.”

    This is far more than walking past your favorite celebrity in a grocery store but failing to recognize them because of the large hat and sunglasses they were wearing. “Recognize” only covers the tip of the iceberg, and while it certainly meant that the world did not recognize that Jesus was the Messiah, John meant so much more.

    The word used is ginosko, which means “to know,” and in this case “to come to know.” There is certainly a revelatory nature to the phrase, which “recognize” encapsulates in a broad sense. But the word is referring to coming to know Jesus as the Son of God, the Savior of the world. John uses this word in other contexts throughout his writings, attempting to capture exactly what Jesus reveals of God and what we are invited to come to know:

• In John 17:3 and 6:69 it refers to knowing his Messianic dignity or distinction

• In 1 John 2:13 cf. John 1:10 it refers to knowing his divinity

• In John 10:14 it refers to knowing Jesus’ consummate kindness towards us, and the benefits rebounding to us from fellowship with him

• In John 14:31 it refers to knowing his love of God

• In 1 John it refers to knowing his sinless holiness

    John was concerned with far more than facial or vocal recognition. He is stating that you and I have been given every chance to know God, THE God, by knowing Jesus in his fullness: his character, position, authority, transcendence, perfection, everything.

    Unfortunately we have treated “knowing God” just like facial recognition on our phones where the goal is to make sure we could pick Jesus out of a lineup, while knowing nothing about who he is, in order to unlock access to heaven after we die. But as Dallas Willard said, God is less concerned with getting us into heaven but with getting heaven into us.

    That, according to John, comes by knowing, truly knowing Jesus.

    Again, you can learn all of these things about Jesus without actually knowing him personally. And that is where this word takes on even more life throughout scripture. Ginosko is used to mean:

• To become known, as in you and I become known by God as we know him

• To know, perceive, have knowledge of, as in you and I are given the intellectual ability to know the mind of God and the purposes and intentions of the Kingdom of Heaven. That is staggering.

• A Jewish idiom for sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, as in rather than being acquaintances held and holding off at arms length, we are invited into intimacy. We are invited to experience and engage with the fullest expression of love and delight and desire the universe holds, of which sex is is a pale, pathetic shadow.

• And finally, to become acquainted with, to know, as in a relationship, built over time and time together and trust and mutual interests and common goals and proximity and vulnerability and all of the other things the best friendships are made out of.

    John would not have us settle for merely recognizing Jesus in a crowd. He wants us to know him so deeply and personally that we recognize his scent, the pitch and tenor of his voice, the warmth of his smile, the comfort of and safety in his presence, the utter peace and joy that is ours when we simply sit with him and move to that place beyond words. It only comes through deep and rich intimacy.

    Know God. It is the only thing you were created for. You were made to know him so deeply that all of the other things he invites us into flow naturally and abundantly from us, like prayer and holiness, co-creation and obedience.

    And this knowledge, the personal and intimate relational knowing, must take priority over everything else you and I can ever “know.” From our relationships with others to our expertise in our vocation, from parenting and family matters to the vices we know will fix us if we can just get a little more, it all must come second. And I don’t mean a close second. And I don’t mean a distant second. I mean a “all else is absolute garbage and I couldn’t get it out of my life fast enough if it meant knowing Jesus more” type second. 

All things at all times are competing for our attention and affections. And in this competition the rankings cannot exist like Jesus first, then relationships second, possessions third, ambition fourth and so on. There is only first place and last place.

In the competition for our hearts, where the victor determines all other aspects of our lives, knowing Jesus must come first, and absolutely everything else must come dead last, so far behind your loving Savior that the track is closed, the lights are off, and everyone is home and asleep before anything else even sees the finish line.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” - John 1:14

The Wonder of Faith

If we are not living with wonder, we are not living with faith.

Our relationship with and trust in Jesus Christ is a dynamic which the Bible repeatedly claims is founded upon faith. Confident in what we hope for, trusting what we cannot see. Sometimes we like to think this applies to us only because Jesus no longer walks the earth. If only he were still around I would have perfect belief! A brief look at the interactions he had with the masses to whom he came unexpectedly, the religious zealots to whom he came exactly as expected, and even his disciples to whom he came intimately reveals to us that his physical presence did not create airtight faith.

Jesus came proclaiming a kingdom which had come and was still coming. It was one people largely could not see, though, paradoxically, had the ability to manifest in their treatment of one another.

He came displaying miracles which had absolutely no logical or scientific explanation. And though he did them repeatedly, the people surrounding him still had a difficult time believing in God for a fresh miracle today, or tomorrow, or the day after.

So even his physical presence is not a panacea, promising perfect confidence and trust in the power and work of God.

This is where faith bridges the gap.

The concept of faith has become so westernized that we actually believe we can calculate it, tabulate it, monitor and track it, and objectively evaluate the levels of faith in ourselves and the church. This must be scrapped entirely if we have any hope of being gifted the eyes to see and ears to hear the activity of God’s kingdom among us.

Faith contains mystery. It is not something which can be subjected to our small-minded scientific method, nor can it be limited to our strategies in the hopes of securing some semblance of predictability and control. This is terrifying, especially to those in power in the church, because if we can not reliably increase your faith, or force God to act, or provide a three step plan for your healing, then how will we keep you at our church?

And again, the western influence upon the church is fueled. If quantitative metrics are the highest good in the church, then we will do whatever it takes to keep your butts in our pews and your dollars in our offering plates. And that then, ”obviously” we think, displays your level of faith, because it is a measurable that we attach meaning to, like attendance equates to obedience to God and tithing means your priorities are shaped by the kingdom.

I can think of many words to describe this popular way of running a church.

Shallow.

Warped.

Manipulative.

Sad.

Secular.

I believe this approach is born out of two sides of the same coin: the fear of man (failure, irrelevance, unimportance) and the poverty mindset of an adopted child (lacking love, safety, comfort, affection). Both are manifestations of the same lie: that God’s love fails me at some step in the transfer of Christ’s blood and resurrection to my everyday life.

I also believe that the way to reclaim faith within the church is to reclaim wonder.

This is the conscious choice of the follower of Christ to wake up in the morning NOT to business as usual and a world they think they know and have some semblance of control over, but to wake up every day to a world of possibilities.

We must take God at his Word, that he is the Lord over all creation, that everything was created and is sustained by his breath, and that he knows absolutely everything, from the death of a sparrow to the exact number of hairs on our heads. We must believe he is active and alive in the presence of the Holy Spirit, moving in power in and through his church, with the ability to shape and bend “reality” as we know it to accomplish his purposes. We must also understand that he created the order of things in such a way that, rather than having to “bend” reality every time he wants something done, created things acting according to their created purpose accomplish the will of God, because he designed it that way at the beginning and planned every good work for it to do before it existed.

As that goes for us humans, we must understand, believe, and act out of our identity as God originally intended it, which is made possible by the redemptive death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Then God can use and work through our relationships, our words, our creative acts, our vocations, our families, truly every aspect of our lives that has been submitted to him.

It is when we daily submerge ourselves in the unending ocean of God’s love for us that every aspect of our lives becomes infused with the supernatural.

And when we understand that everything is supernatural, we wake up every morning in wonder.

Backseat Peace, A Rarity

It was a sedan. I think.

It definitely wasn’t the cramped “backseat” of the Ford Ranger we had, where when you sat sideways you touched the back window with one shoulder and the back of the front seat with the other. It was spacious and squishy.

It definitely wasn’t a new car, because the smell was the pleasant smell only used cars could have, like freshly shampooed upholstery and air freshener.

It definitely wasn’t in late summer, because the warmth I felt wasn’t the brutal heat that East County San Diego is hit with for the few months of the year when the rest of the country is experiencing the relief and beauty of the seasonal transition from Summer to Fall.

It is so much less than a story and much more of a moment. But it is so much more than a simple moment, and more a feeling. A state of being. A shalom.

My mom was driving. My sister was either in the front seat or in the back with me, but enveloped by God’s peace that surpasses understanding I felt no need to pester her. I was slouched in the tan upholstered seats, softer than leather but not as saggy as a Cadillac’s seats.

Whether she truly was or not, Alanis Morriset was playing on the radio. Her music, though I later understood to be full of angst and aggression, represented peace to me, when mom was listening to her favorite music, inner demons at bay and happy about life, inviting us into the moment by playing that music over the radio.

The sunlight was perfectly warm, the kind where you enjoy the delicious pinpricks of sunlight warmth on your skin that have been filtered through a car window, but you’re not hot. And this was a miraculous moment in and of itself, because in East County it can get so hot that life becomes nearly unbearable for a few months, at least if you don’t have ready access to air conditioning.

The view was up through the window. The lower field of vision included the car door and the armrest with its window controls. That quickly gives way to the trees that are tall enough to be in view, as well as the tops of two story houses found in the suburbia we were driving through. Above that was clear blue. Maybe a wisp of high cloud or two, maybe not. Sky, nonetheless.

The seat, the warmth, the music, the neighborhood, the sky, the feeling was spacious.

I wasn’t concerned with my asthma medication or whether I was staying with mom or dad tonight or school work or friendships or future or past.

I had the perfect temperature, perfect sounds, perfect smells, perfect foliage, perfect neighborhood, perfect potential, perfect safety, perfect peace.

I possessed childhood shalom, draped in sunlight in the backseat. Even if just for a moment. 

The Night Christopher Ryan Ward Started Coming Together

Envision this: A father pulls up to a dorm parking lot in his white truck that’s loaded down with the most important possessions a 17 year old could own. The passenger door opens and out steps a 6’2 male, shoulders beginning to broaden but acne still clinging to the baby fat on his face. He’s wearing light wash jeans and a black tank top, no shirt. Just the tank. He’s got on huge aviators that are more ornamental than anything else he owns, and his hair is an absolute mane that falls straight until it waves and curls slightly at about shoulder length.

Can you see it? That was my first day of college.

I had just come off of the most exciting and proud year of my life, having found theater and discovering my own charisma, dynamism, and a deep joy in doing something I loved AND was good at. If you had asked me to use one word to describe myself, I probably would have said, with all the seriousness in the world: Cool.

I was ready for college. So ready I opted for a single dorm room so I could make friends with everyone on my floor, not just a single roommate. So ready I went out to audition for the first casting call from the theater department open to all students, not just theater majors. So ready I was taking both Intro to Acting (which would be a joke) AND Intro to Chemistry (because it wasn’t THAT hard in high school). I mean, I just wondered if college was ready for ME.

And sure enough, things got off to a great start. I started making friends with everyone on my floor and connecting more deeply with some of them. I checked out different Christian clubs and was finding friendships in several different ones. I went to nearly every social event I could and mingled 24/7 for several weeks.

But within the first two months I knew I was missing something, and it wasn’t that hard to figure out. You see, while I integrated everywhere, I didn’t really BELONG anywhere.

That’s when, through some connections I had made through the Christian club Cru (formerly Campus Crusade), I found myself headed out to the point on campus and climbing a concrete structure there with about 30 other freshmen with the sole intention of singing some worship songs together. I had brought my guitar to play along with the guy who was spearheading it, and even though I was limited in my skill set with the instrument, I made up for it with my vocal volume and confidence.

And it was bliss. There were guys I could crack jokes with and many cute girls I could flirt with. I could show off my talents. I could matter, and later I felt like I could really belong.

After we left the point, some of us went back to the common room of one of the dorms on campus. That’s where one of the most epic pictures of me and a great friend of mine was taken.

His name was Jordan and we bonded over our basic guitar skills and love of screamy-emo rock. And yes, we screamed those songs extensively that night. And that place, that moment was when I knew I was on the edge of a place I could belong, because of that picture I referenced.

Recall the 17 year old that stepped out of that truck; long hair, tank top, sunglasses. Well he found himself sitting next to a guy with orange-ish pink hair, a crocheted beanie, and a lip ring, screaming his lungs out to emo ballads just minutes after screaming their lungs out to God by the ocean.

That picture represents one of the first moments every part of who I was, who I am, started coming together. The kid who loved hardcore music. The one who loved theater. The one who loved Jesus like crazy. The one whose wounds were right there with him, seen in the endless flirting and desire for approval and need to be in the spotlight. The one who knew that his past was dark but his future was bright. The one who just wanted a place to belong and people who loved him for who he was, even if he wasn’t sure who that was yet.

Plus, as you can see in the picture, we were just SO cool.

Vulnerability Is The Only Way Forward

    Walls, in and of themselves, are cold, impersonal, unfeeling, devoid of life and love and connection. They are easily constructed once you figure out what you are doing, and can be placed anywhere you want. They keep people out and define “your space” from “my space” and “their space.” They create boundaries, which make definition easier and safety more certain. 

It is no wonder we like them so much.

I don’t know that anyone could or would tell you they exist in a state of perfect safety in this life. Even if everything was certain and safe around them, they will still never escape death, which comes to take everything they’ve ever known with their five senses from them.

And so we build walls. We erect houses that define our place, and walls within that house to delineate what happens in certain spaces in the house. We put up fences around our property in order to let others know what we own, and, the hope is, to keep them out unless we grant them permission to enter. We build walls and boundaries around everything; cities, states, nations, you name it. And when your space encroaches upon my space in a destructive way, or simply in a way that I do not approve of, I raise my voice and let it be known that I will not tolerate your encroachment.

And so we have insulated ourselves from all unwanted human contact by putting walls between nations and devices between faces and distance between touch and...

These walls are merely outward manifestations, however, of our internal reality. They follow our hearts lead, which has never dwelt in perfect safety and therefore has constructed walls around itself as well. Defense mechanisms of sarcasm or indifference. Offensive measures such as slander and abusive language. These point to the fact that our hearts are walled, and as we strip all of these outward manifestations away, we find that, at our core, we have believed that we are unsafe.

What a tender and frail confession: “I am unsafe.” What great fear revealed and poked, feeling like a nerve in a tooth uncovered, un-numbed, and debilitating in it’s pain. What violation, looking in the eye what we have spent so long avoiding, hiding, and, quite frankly, abusing as we shoved it into the dark corners in our hearts. What solace, knowing I am not the only one who walks around feeling unsafe sometimes. Rarely. Constantly.

Maybe we don’t need to blame each other for our unsafety anymore. For while it is by human lips and bodies we are wounded and affirmed in our unsafe existence, it comes from humans who are also operating out of their lack of safety. They are just as scared of you as you are of them.

And it is here the invitation comes to us. The invitation to vulnerability.

We can rip the walls down. We can expose the nerves. We can own the fear. And we can do so with others who are doing the same.

Tragically, when thinking of where they might dwell in vulnerability with these other people, most do not think automatically and confidently of the church. Shame on us.

What was Christ if not the tearing of the veil between man and God and man and each other, achieved by the vulnerability it took to hang upon the cross naked and broken? What was Jesus if not the raw exposed nerve of heaven’s heart, given freely and openly to a world which would abuse it unceasingly? Who is God if not the perfect, compassionate Father who has loved his creation tenderly and sweetly, open-heartedly even, only to be taken advantage of, squeezed for all he’s worth, and perpetually abandoned at the wedding altar of his covenant faithfulness to us?

There is no excuse. Followers of Christ, if truly identified with the life of heaven, regularly choose vulnerability. They choose to be unsafe in a dangerous world. To be selfless in a selfish generation. To be an open space in a world of walls.

What a joy to know that our Father’s attention never wavers and his power cannot be overcome, so that when he daily leads us in green and spacious pastures we may dwell in perfect safety.

Keep The Sabbath

    I first started keeping a sabbath when I was 19, and it was one of the many gifts a year doing foreign missions gave me. If not THE most important, it is at least one of my favorite and most impactful gifts God gave me during that time

    Going abroad with a missions organization requires you to align with their way of doing things, from fundraising to employment overseas, and included in our alignment was sabbath. We were to take one every week for the entirety of the year, and that was that.

    We received great teaching and testimony regarding a day of rest, and were sent around the world to work hard for 6 days a week and rest completely for one. I would not have survived the year, let alone the 12 years since then, without that weekly day off.

    I have come to experience the principles and best practices for a sabbath, and with 12 years of rest days, I have found freedom rather than legalism in saying no to the world’s overactivity and yes to God’s rest one day a week.

My sabbath starts when my head hits the pillow the night before. I confess to God that, no matter what I might think or how I might behave to the contrary, the world will continue to spin and God will accomplish his perfect work for others without me tomorrow. Self-deprivation and neglect long held me in their clutches, disguised as productivity and value based on my output. And while sabbath wasn’t an automatic magic cure-all for that, allowing God to put me in my place once a week loosened their grasp and led me towards freedom. The best part is, God sets me in my place with his rest, love, delight, and peace, which I indulge in unquestioningly on sabbath.

    One of my favorite parts about sabbath is that I get to do whatever I want in enjoyment of the Lord. Our lives so consistently exist for others, whether that is self-motivated or induced by others (or usually both), that we never allow ourselves to consider ourselves. Any introspection and self-care has been suspect for so many years and branded with a scarlett “S” for Selfish. While selfishness is not a characteristic of Christ, self-awareness, self-love, self-delight, and self-work are. 

How could we regularly agree to the Great Gardener pruning us if we have no awareness of what in us needs to be cut off? How could we ask for anything we wish if we are not in touch with our desires and self-will? How could we, then, pray “Your will be done” if we are blind to the clutch our hearts have on our self-interest? We can never surrender to God what we know nothing about. And we can never receive the will and blessings of God if we never release our will and self-interest to him.

This awareness of self and it’s reckoning to God become visible not just in the wreckage of our own selfish ambitions crashing down upon our heads, but on days of rest, where we sit beside the River of Life flowing through us, and begin to see the impurities within us as we gaze into the purity of his heart.

Rest and refreshment have been important words for me as I consider what I will do with a sabbath day. Self-awareness and care is different from self-indulgence, and therefore, as I consider what I want my day to look like, I am holding it up to the light of Christ, considering whether this will grant me the soul rest and refreshment that comes from knowing and being close to Christ, or if it will lead to deeper anxieties and discomfort than I was experiencing before. 

There is a great deal of difference between things we call rest and  what God calls rest. Most often, when left to our own devices, our rest really just means escape or avoidance. Think about the last time you binged a TV show. Apart from the rare times that it is exactly what you need, most of the time we feel the weight of wasting a day, the anxiety of undone tasks, and the trepidation of stepping into the next day’s tasks without preparing ourselves physically, mentally, or emotionally. Once in this pattern, however, “just one more episode” is the path of least resistance and the delusion we cling to to bring us the peace we need. We are looking for escape and avoidance while God wants to grant us peace.

The invitation of God on sabbath is to rest and refresh ourselves in him. This does necessitate time in his word and in prayer, for he keeps us in perfect peace when our hearts are set on him, but this also extends to all the mundane pleasures we turn to. In fact, in the hands of the Prince of Peace, all things can bring us heavenly comfort (with the exception of willful sin and disobedience, of course). A tv show binge session, an hour of silence, creative work, coffee shop pondering, hosting friends, anything can bring us rest and refreshment in God if our main goal is to receive his shalom (perfect peace).

And this is where sabbath gets the most fun! God knows exactly how he made you. He knows what you enjoy, delight in, and find rest in. If we take the opportunity to surrender our self-will and our constant attempts at avoidance in order to attend to him, he will reveal what will actually bring us life on our sabbath. Your love for naps or books or hiking or donuts or dog parks or museums or flower picking or cloud watching or babysitting or whatever, when revealed to be heavenly gifts that bring delight and rest to your soul (more than just your mind and body), will take on supernatural goodness and bring the peace of heaven to you.

This promise of more perfect rest and personal delight (motivated by Christ as opposed to selfishness) has given me the ability to, week after week, month after month, year after year, give of myself on the other days of the week. Knowing I have a day of rest where I seek and receive the rest of God helps me to lay all of who I am before God for his kingdom advancement and the love of others.

This does not enable the type A workaholics to run themselves ragged for 6 days, because I believe that sabbath sets us up for healthy daily rhythms of rest as well as weekly. It helps us recognize the power of God as he restores us while we are distanced from our labor on that one day a week, which then leads to the understanding and experience that his power is sufficient to bring us rest, refreshment, and peace every moment of every day, whether I am working or not. 

As our hearts are shaped to look like his through our daily intimacy with him, we recognize that his priorities are different from our first instincts, which then causes us to place limits on our time in some places and increase our investment in others. Work is a means to an end, not the end itself. This is true for everything in life: family, career, possessions, suffering, you name it. Everything is intended to bring us to our place of union with God, and therefore our lives will mirror his priorities, one of which is daily moments of sabbath. These are times when we take a deep breath, do something we love, and receive his heavenly rest.

I do not believe anyone can function in their full potential as image bearers of Christ who bring light into direct confrontation with darkness without a weekly sabbath. Said a different way, to advance the Kingdom of Heaven we must invest in rest. Paired with persistent prayer, soaking in scripture, and faithful fellowship, sabbath will unleash kingdom potential in our hearts and lives as we align our hearts with God’s, and it will allow him to unload his persistently peaceful kingdom power into our hearts as we move from frenetic effort to unresisting rest. 

Please, for the love God has for you, keep the sabbath.

The Freedom of Heavenly Priorities

All things are not created equal. Quite spending your life like they are. Prioritize your life accordingly.

Life will never have a chance of being fulfilling, worthwhile, or well spent if your heart is not fixed on God. This is said after years spent chasing and pursuing other things. And not just things I thought would bring me goodness.

Sometimes we neglect to recognize that, out of our misguided desires, we do not seek that which heals or fulfills, but intentionally choose to devour with our whole being that which drains life from our souls. We do so on purpose, believing we deserve punishment, that it is the way of the world, or simply that it is better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all. Do not swim in the sewers of the world.

Start and finish and fill your days by delighting in God. He is the solid rock. Always.

Follow this priority swiftly with being delighted in. The God of all creation delights in you, brimming with joy as he sings songs of celebration over you. When he seems silent, distant, harsh, this remains true: God loves and likes you.

As you settle into your love for him and his love for you, your character will inevitably be shaped into greater purity and glory. I used to think these were snobbish words, but have come to taste and see that a pure heart, one that is always subjected to the light of the Lord, is true freedom, peace, and contentment.

Answer the Lord’s calls to growth and pruning with a consistent yes and life will open up before you, though it may feel the opposite in the moment. Your life will consist of dignity and beauty and substance if you grow in godly character, and hollow worthlessness if not.

A helpful prayer in this area that has proven itself over time is, “God, for all you have done, thank you. For all you will do, yes.”

After these, people take their place in your priorities, for they are the only eternal things apart from God and his word. As C.S. Lewis beautifully states, “There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.” Treat all of God’s created humans with dignity, as they all bear God’s image.

However, that does not mean that all should receive the same priority and position in your heart and mind and soul. Spouse and children should always receive your best, the first fruits of your love and time and energy and devotion, for you are one with your spouse, and from that one comes more lives.

After that, determine who God has specifically called you to love. More than your general goodwill towards others, these people receive more conscious effort and time.

Yes, we are called generally to love our neighbor, but just as the whole world cannot live on one block, so too we can not give the full measure of our love to every human on earth. With the prioritization of some comes the de-prioritization of many. Good. You can do no good to anyone if you are attempting to do some good to everyone. Love them, pray for them, but do not give more of yourself than you should.

A brief word on toxic people. Their influence on your life should be limited, if not entirely eliminated. These are the people who choose to do violence to your heart and the world around them, and we ought to pity and love them. Most are blind to the destruction they cause, much less the pain and trauma that caused destruction in them! This does not mean we are intended to fix them all, though sometimes we may be asked to engage them more than we would like and be a part of the healing process. For the rest, pray for them and in love cast them and all of their carnage into the River of Life to be taken immediately downstream and out of sight. God will love them perfectly, even in your absence.

Disregarding the nuances of people, which I will discuss in the future, all that is left is things.

Work and create things that bring light and beauty and hope in Jesus into direct contact with the darkness of the world. Do not waste time with the hopeless and the morbid, remember what I said about sewers.

While created to work and co-create with God, our work is still a thing, and must take a position behind God and others, and one only slightly above possessions and toys. They will rot, your soul will not.

This prioritization of life leads to incredible freedoms and joys. You will live life as God intended, and you will experience the blessings he’s always intended for you to enjoy. It will shape your mind and thinking, your heart and emotions, your efforts and time, and all the while you will know greater peace because you have aligned your life with the priorities of heaven.

All things are not created equal. Quit spending your life like they are. Prioritize your life accordingly.

The Purpose of Your Existence

We systematize everything. It is all strategy and optimization and return on investment paired with a constant uneasy feeling that something could have been done better, or someone else is out there doing it better, or you could have given more, sacrificed more, been more.

And that’s the problem. We’re too busy doing that we can’t just be. But please, spend your life existing and not doing.

Everything about you and your existence is miraculous. Go ahead, take some time right now to give intentional thought to all of the things that exist the way they do so that you can exist the way you do. Go down into the minutiae of the cell and all the way back out to the order of the universe. Go wherever God takes you, and marvel.

You are not an accident. You are a miracle. And that’s just looking at the fact that you exist.

Far above and beyond your existence, however, is the purpose you exist:

You exist to be loved by God.

He spoke into nothing and created light. The light was and is necessary to make God’s creative works visible and life possible. It was only after light was created that everything else came into resplendent being.

Light is so important to reality that it had to be reintroduced into a world darkened by evil. It was reintroduced by the Light himself incarnating into the dust and grit of life. And then it was given to us by God himself as he called us The Light of the World.

What does his light illuminate? Tracing every now-visible act of his hand and expression of his heart and exertion of his will back to their source, we see that his light ultimately and always illuminates his love.

Because of love God created. Because of love God sustains all things. Because of love God gives himself to us, illuminating for us himself, ourselves, and the world around us in the process.

Because of Love you exist.

Do not be fooled by darkness, which promises fulfillment, but neither be fooled by well-intentioned followers of Jesus who, in their attempts to live in the light, become infatuated with darkness instead. Unfounded and constant claims of power and victory, incessant handling of wounds to discover their origin and psychoanalyze their attributes, and futile attempts to ignore the implications and effects of darkness (with one eye always on the dark, lest it overtake them) only serve to bind us more and more completely to the darkness.

Instead, choose light. Over and over again, in the expanse of joy and the delicate salt of tears, choose light. This leads ultimately to your decision to be loved.

Be loved. It is resolved reality, you are loved. It is daily choice, you receive love. It is identification with our true identity, I am Beloved.

Apart from Love, nothing eternal exists. Choose love and trace its path back to its origin, you will always find the divine.

Be Beloved, and you become divinity wrapped in flesh, God’s original intention when he blew warm breath into dust.

The Divinity of Loving Others

Love people.

    It’s simple, but it’s not easy.

    There is not a greater calling in life or a better goal to aim for. It is the greatest commandment, included in the same breath as “Love God.” There is no more divine call, no moment in life more divine than when you give your love away.

    That’s a thought: you and I are most like God, most bearing his image when we love. He is slow to anger and quick to love, and we are prone towards the exact opposite. So as we choose love to rule our lives down to the most minute detail, we become mirrors of the divine.

    What better way to make earth look more like heaven than to love. Not simply because love rules the heavens and sustains the cosmos (which He does), but because of the effect love has upon people, relationships, and societies as a whole. Drawing the best out of people can be attempted by berating and scolding them, but I think we know that love and encouragement holds far more power to unleash the potential of a soul than cynicism and criticism.

    As people are loved, they operate out of safety. It’s funny, safety doesn’t equate to complacency, which I think some overbearing fathers and mothers fear and therefore push their children far further than they should. Safety actually does just the opposite. It creates a platform from which to spring into the full expression of our gifts and goodness. Fear cripples creativity, while love unleashes it. Love thus retains the potential to improve the world around us and allows our God-given glory to shine. I say “retains” because it is dormant until we pick it up, make it our own, and give it away.

    Love is exhausting, because parts of our heart must be involved in the process of loving, and parts of our heart are given away as we give our love to others. They now possess something of you and are free to do what they want with it. This incredibly vulnerable and generous piece of yourself is at the mercy of another, many others if we are living life well, and you no longer have say in how it is treated and cared for. This would lead to a fatigue, burnout, and total depletion of life and love were it not for God’s perfect love for us, which never let’s our well run dry, and the love that others are giving us.

    This giving of love must include receiving in order to reach its full expression. We cannot experience the full scope of love and its transformative power by only giving love away. We must receive love as well. And just as we give a piece of ourselves away as we love, so too we receive pieces of others when they love us. We are slowly but surely becoming the sum of all of the loves in our hearts, if we choose to be that is.

    We can choose to be filled with things besides love: lust and physicality, anger and gossip, aggression and malice. That is what we can give away and, if that is the chosen path, what we will receive. We will have no capacity for love if we only extend hate. All of these things will accumulate in our hearts and we will be different people, shaped by everything we choose to let into our hearts and give away from there. Hate will breed hate, while love will fuel abundant life.

    Love people. It’s not rocket science, but it feels equally as hard to execute. Settling for anything less as the standard for your life will be an absolute waste.

The Power of Words

Don’t waste your words.

    There isn’t enough time. Life is full of too many regrets already. There are already so many malevolent and selfish influences in the lives of the ones you love.

    If you have a hard time imagining the importance of your words, imagine your fully grown children. Imagine having given an abundance of harmful, shaming, and discouraging words over the course of their lives. Imagine what that has done to their interior life. Their spirit. Their relationships. All from your mouth as their parent.

    Now imagine having done just the opposite for 30 years. Words of affirmation, love, affection, support flowing steadily from your heart out of your mouth. Imagine their demeanor, their confidence, their countenance, their relationships.

    You treat, or will treat, your children the way you treat everyone else. If you think that they will be different, that you will speak to them so differently and supportively just because they are your kids, you are mistaken. The way you treat the rest of the world will determine how you treat your children, especially with the words that come from your lips. 

Our language is habitual, springing from the posture of our hearts, which is formed by where we settle our attention. The difference between a defensive, tense, unsafe, scared, angry heart and a safe, loving, gentle, restful, at peace heart is vast. Don’t waste your time rummaging in the garbage heaps of life that are so often called “pop culture” or “normal.” Reject it. Resist it. Run the opposite direction.

It is for this reason God wants us to consider all that is good and true and lovely and excellent and praiseworthy and admirable. Our hearts are constantly being shaped, and we settle into the taught modes of being we acquired from our family of origin as well as the paths of least resistance. No matter what others tell you or what you tell yourselves, our default is not goodness.

We are selfish creatures who flaunt the idea of tolerance like it is a good thing, but the fact of the matter is that tolerance falls far, far short of the biblical ideal of love. Though stated as the societal ideal, tolerance only lasts in us as long as I can do what I want without you impinging on me. Once you have hindered me from attaining what I want in your pursuit of what you want, I am no longer tolerant, and I’m sure as hell not loving. That is the ceiling of our tolerance, and if we were to be honest with ourselves, our ceiling is very, very low.

The biblical command is love. The type of love that sacrifices itself for the good of others. The type of love that builds others up and rages against moments when they are torn down. The type of love that fosters safety and support, encouraging others so completely and regularly that they believe in the God of possibilities’ ability to empower and uplift them. Yes, even them! And this is only possible from hearts that are rooted in the perfect love of God, whose attention never wavers and whose power never fails.

To settle our hearts in the love of God means to settle ourselves into the affection and delight of God over us. We sink deeply into his desire for connection with us, we embrace his open heart, and we marvel at the wounds on the body of Jesus that accomplished this for us. We affirm that nothing can separate us from this love. Nothing. And we live like it for the rest of our lives, knowing that if this were the one thing we knew of God during our time on earth, it would be enough.

Our words of love must spring up from hearts that have received and welcomed the divine words of love God speaks over us. And when faced with every other alternative, every other place we could spend our words, every other fountain they could spring from, every other purpose they could have, it becomes clear that there is only one place that truly deserves to be spoken from.

Don’t waste your words. Speak them from your heart of love, which has found its home in the heart of Perfect Love.

Don't "What If?" Your Way Through Life

Don’t “What If?” Your way to the end of your life. For so many reasons.

    First, what an absolutely miserable existence. To have something that you know you could do or wish you would do and to just never take the uncountable opportunities you had to just do it. If we’re honest with ourselves we choose not to do these things because of any number of reasons, and these things would all be a huge benefit to your life and the life of those around you, because our hearts would truly long for something if it did not have the possibility of great benefit to your world.

    Second, imagine all of those things that people wished they would do. Now imagine if they would just do them. How much happier would everyone be? How much better would the world be because of our progress and discovery and benevolence toward each other? How much more safe and free and joyful would we all be if we knew and pursued those great dreams that lie within our hearts? And again, we speak only of those which lie at our deepest core as designed by God, the core that is beloved, safe, secure, confident, courageous, and benevolent. Those are the things we will recall on our deathbed and imagine how life could have been different, better.

    Third, how much more would your personal life manifest the kingdom of God. In acting and creating we are bringing forth the realities of heaven that God has placed in our hearts. This takes great honesty with ourselves, because, even though we go to church on Sundays, if we live like hell we won’t reliably produce heaven. But if our true desire is to delight in God and remain in regular intimacy with Him, then much of the learning will happen as we create and labor. We didn’t have to be perfect before we came to the cross and received the fullness of God’s forgiveness and love, so why do we think we need to be perfect before we start creating and acting?

    Fourth, I could not imagine a better way to kill the fear of man than to do the very thing that you think they will hate or judge or diminish or belittle you for. Imagine it is creating visual art. As long as you don’t create your art because of the opinions another has, you remain in the fear of man. But if we were to each push through that fear of man and create and act, regularly and authentically, we would break the power of opinion that we have agreed to because, not only are we going to get better at not believe the lie anymore, but we will be defiant of the critics, doing the very thing they say we shouldn’t.

    Fifth, I believe the people who would benefit the most from our lives were we to live them to their fullest expression would be those whom we love and care about the most. I sent something I had written to a cousin when I first started writing, and she responded with, “You are such a good writer, I can’t believe I’ve never read anything you’ve written!” With an included expression of personal benefit from the subject matter. The answer to her shock was easy: “You’ve never read anything I’ve written because I’ve never written anything!” The people we love and care for are the ones we long to see happy, to thrive, to exercise their gifts and talents and delights. It pains us to see them self-limiting, and regularly wish they could only see what we see in them. Then they would be free to fly! If only we could believe this for ourselves.

    There are plenty of other reasons that I wish I could communicate with full emotion and love on a page. But I don’t know that I need to. Maybe I just need to ask you to imagine the last day of your life, the last few minutes, and imagine what you had wished you’d cared about, who you’d listened to, how you spent your time, where you invested your heart, what you had wished you’d said and done. When you think of something that makes your heart swell and feel like bursting and sink at the very thought of having no time left to do it, act. Do everything it takes to do that thing.

    Instead of asking “What If?” on my deathbed, as I looked back on my days I’d like to spontaneously say, “Wow.”

Katie Beginnings

One of my favorite memories is how my wife and I started dating (and it fits my tongue-in-cheek storytelling perfectly).

Katie and I first met when I returned to Santa Barbara from a summer at home in San Diego, but both of us forget exactly where and when that was. She certainly made an impression on me because my “Cute girl I wonder if she’s single” radar went off, and kept her in the back of my mind. That was quickly foiled when that same night one of my seven roommates got home and announced he was going on a date with none other than this Katie girl I had just met. So, in honor of my friend, my initial feelings of attraction and interest went into a box put on a shelf in my mind to never be thought of again.

Fast forward to the end of that relationship between Katie and my roommate and an end to a relationship I was in, about 9 months later. I hit a pretty major funk (which I discovered was more accurately a depression) and was not interested in dating. In about 6 months my time in Santa Barbara was coming to a close, at which time I would be headed to San Diego to pursue a graduate degree. I was avoiding dating and many friendships, and just wanted to keep my head down and get through the next few months. Then, out of the blue, I received a text.

From: Katie Ingham

“Hey Chris Ward! Do you have time for a chat today?”

I crapped a brick. Right there, right then, in my office chair in the graduate office of the UCSB Economics Department where I worked part-time. Because I knew immediately this was going to go one of two directions.

1. I did something wrong. I led her on and flirted a little too much (I was a major flirt in college, something that I am not too proud of) and now she was calling me on the carpet. Or I said something that hurt and offended her (I tend to say what I’m thinking). Or or or or. I could think of a handful of things right on the spot, and she could be calling me out for any one of them. OR…

2. She liked me.

No one asks to have a “chat” unless it is a fairly significant conversation. And no one requests it to happen that very day unless it is important. So I responded.

I suggested a time, she had class. She suggested a time, I had work. She suggested we save it for another day, I refused. I was already far too wound up with anticipation and dread to wait. So I did what any good college student employed on campus would do: I told her to meet me in front of the building I worked in in 15 minutes and told my boss 15 minutes later that I was going to poop. Classy.

I walked down the stairs, opened the door, saw Katie standing there in the sunshine of a Santa Barbara winter day, and IMMEDIATELY knew: this girl likes me. (I was a smug brat, what can I say?)

We start walking:

Chris: “Hi Katie, how are you?”

Katie: “I’m good, what about you?”

C: I’m doing well thanks.

...Silence…

K: How are your midterms going?

C: I don’t have any midterms right now, but I’m assuming you didn’t ask to have a chat so we could discuss midterms…

I kid you not. I was such a brat.

Katie stammers and reaches into her pocket saying, “Let me get my notes.”

I fell head over heels for her right then and there.

She outlined that she liked me. She said she trusted me (we had had a lot of interaction over the past year and a half), and knew that if God had spoken to me about her I would have done something already. She said she just needed to get this off her chest. She said she wanted to date me.

I was delighted. Giggling internally. Happy. Excited. Wanted. That always feels good.

I told her I would be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for her as well, but that I hadn’t thought of her that way because of her previous involvement with my ex-housemate, and that because I was headed to San Diego I wasn’t overtly looking to start a relationship. But I told her I would think about it, and went back to work after what was perceived by my boss as the longest poop ever.

I thought. I prayed. I talked to people. I decided. I had a conversation with the old housemate, not asking his permission but informing him that I would be taking Katie on a date, making no mention that she initiated. He gave me the right answers then, and the next day gave me his true feelings. It was hard, he is an amazing guy and I knew it was hard for him, but at the recommendation of others and through my processing I determined I had the freedom to date her.

So I did. We went to dinner. Stopped for coffee. Made dessert at my place. Talked until the playlist I made for our first date ended. I walked her home. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop smiling.

I’m still honored she chose me.

Choose To Shine

I have been asking God to unleash heaven, and in my mind this has been something completely outside of myself. Like the glory cloud descends from on high, apart, other, and accessing it is a crapshoot, a lottery, a game of chance. So we try to tip the scale in our favor.

Like hoping we put ourselves in the right place at the right time. Like hoping to catch God in a good mood or generous moment. Like hoping we choose the right songs and anointed texts, say the right analogy and sing the right spontaneous words with the right melody. Like hoping we didn’t do too much this week to piss God off or make Him withdraw with arms crossed, head shaking in disappointment. Like hoping we grovel enough and believe the perfect things and repent with enough of our heart.

If we do these and a million other nuanced and mysterious things, then, we believe, God will unleash heaven in our midst. Then we might see the glory cloud, hear his voice, be healed, weep, experience something, anything transcendent.

But we’re mistaken. We’ve believed, you have believed a lie. Yes, it has been passed down and passed around and reinforced many times over by others, but YOU believed it. In fact, you have not simply believed this lie, you’ve owned it. Ingested it. Adopted it to be truth about you and the universe and God. But it’s a lie.

You see, while you and I have eternally attempted to ascend to the transcendent, the only Transcendence has eternally descended. To you. To me. To we.

As we have spent our days perfecting our high jump form, contracting and releasing muscles, directing eyes upwards, clearing mind and heart in the right sequence, right timing, right rightness in just one more vain attempt to reach God, God has invited us to just the opposite. To let Him reach us.

Uncontainable power could not be contained by flesh, but He made His choice.

Infinite knowledge and understanding could not fit inside one finite brain, but He made His choice.

Love without an end cap could not be found between 65 beats per minute, but He made His choice.

Death could not be swallowed up by life, digested and broken down into pieces by hope, joy and peace, and evacuated from a tomb after 3 days, but He made His choice.

And the unleashing of heaven could not be limited by the agency of fickle humans, so that its presence and power came and went only as freely as they chose, but He made His choice.

And because of His choices, the darkness that kept you from seeing and hearing and knowing the transcendent has been expelled by The Light, who is your life, and the power of illumination has been transferred to you. You now have the power to shine! 

We do so by choice.

Choosing to create rather than destroy.

Choosing to bless rather than curse.

Choosing to engage life rather than numb ourselves to it.

Choosing to shine rather than hide.

Choosing to do so brightly. Boldly. Bravely into any pocket or stronghold of darkness you find in this world, with the same confidence you have that a dark room will be bright when you flip a switch. 

A dark room is a reality, but it is not truth. The truth becomes known as the contours of and objects within a room are revealed by light, thus dispelling that former “reality” of darkness.

So it is for those of us who are not only children of light, but ARE light in the Lord. When you choose to  illuminate reality with the light of your true self as defined by God, the darkness of the world fades and God’s Truth is revealed everywhere around you. At home. In church. On the playground. In the hospital bed.

What’s more, anything that receives your touch of light becomes a light as well, which continues a centuries old chain of re-creation. Someone chooses to be light, the illuminated life shines on “reality”, Truth is revealed, and those who were once darkness are offered the choice to be light and illuminate the world around them, beginning the process anew.

Heaven is not unleashed by God from somewhere out there in unpredictable ways at arbitrary times in accidental places. It is unleashed in every moment you choose to shine.

He made His choice. It is time to make yours.

My First Two Questions

I don’t remember when it started, but I love asking the same two questions of people when I first meet them. Meeting people can be really difficult for some, and keeping up a conversation that you feel obligated to be in is no fun at all, especially when you just ask the same questions over and over again. “What do you do?” ‘Where are you from?” “How do you like San Diego?” Right now I work with a lot of college students, so instead of asking them “What year are you?” And “What’s your major?” I’ll ask them, “What is something about college you wished someone would ask you but no one does?” If that’s a little too ambiguous for them then I get more specific, but most of the time I see a look of surprise and usually a smile, and I’d much prefer that to boredom and awkward silence.

Anyways, the first two questions I ask are:

“If you could ride any animal, real or imaginary, what would it be?” And I quickly follow that up by saying it’s a VERY different question than what animal you would BE, so answer accordingly.

The other is:

“If you had a day completely to yourself, nothing scheduled, what would you do?”

And I love these questions for so many reasons.

1. It tells me so much about the person, and I usually tell them this before I even ask the question. I say “Ok, I’m going to ask you the same two questions I ask everybody I meet and they’re going to tell me everything I need to know about you.” I say this with a grin on my face because, of course, I don’t learn EVERYTHING. But I can learn a lot! For instance, is the animal they ride docile or aggressive (ie a cat or a dragon)? Do they get creative with it (ie a cat or a cat the size of a house that breathes fire)? Do they get creative or stick to the basics? Is it a flying animal? Water? On their day off, are they spending it with other people or by themselves? Do they spend it in public or at home? Do they travel or stay in the city? Are they outdoors or inside? Do they assume the weather? Do they ask about it? Do they say what they want the weather to be? There is a lot to be learned from these questions!

2. They’re fun! I have no idea how I came up with them, but they stuck and I just go for it. It always gives people something interesting to think about and consider, and it breaks the ice in a creative way.

3. They feel cared for. Not only am I asking them the question and expressing an interest in knowing the answers, but by telling them that these questions are going to tell me so much about them, they now know that I care about who they are and want to know about them.

4. It keeps me from getting bored. I have to meet so many new people that if I were to ask the same things over and over I might go insane. But these questions are fun for me too, and I like getting to know them in a different way.

5. The second question, about the day off, gives me some insight into what a Sabbath could look like for them. Most people don’t take a Sabbath, but I’ve been taking one for over ten years now. Now, I’m not some super saint that just decided to be disciplined enough to do it, I was on a ministry team that set an expectation that we would have a sabbath, and I’ve kept one ever since. I’ll write more on it later, but suffice it to say it is one of the main things that has kept me sane and helped my marriage, work, and every area of my life. So I am passionate about seeing other people learn how to rest, and this question can give me a starting place with these people later on if we talk about rest and the sabbath together.

6. Did I mention they’re fun???

Honestly, I hardly remember people’s answers (I spend way more mental energy and effort into remembering their names). But for that moment we’re both having fun and they are feeling the fact that I care about who they are, and that is exactly what I want peoples first impression of me to be.

Boat Upon A Bay

The gaping maw

Of days forgone

Overtake the frame,

But as I gaze

At future days

I see my purpose named.

Glistening blue

A gentle hue

Is all my eye can see.

Expanse, delight

The soft sweet light

Invite what I can be.

Courageous! Strong!

Virtues belong

To who I will become.

For the now, the Mount,

I’m getting out!

From underneath it’s thumb.

Remembrance of

The things I’ve done

A dark oppressive cloud.

When I’m alone

Shadows encroach,

I think I see them now.

Unceasing fall

They swiftly crawl

In corners of my sight.

It’s over fast

I own at last,

Futile was the fight.

Certain hope,

The ship that floats,

I know was just a wish.

Still, the brilliant sun

The untethered run

Lingers like a kiss.

Impending past

Has won at last,

Light falls up and away.

Pitch black cold

Penetrates bone.

Empty boat upon the bay.

Midwest Christmas

I guess I’ve always felt the tension between the spotlight and intimacy. My first memory is of Christmas Day when I was two. We were in the Midwest, Illinois or Missouri, visiting my mom’s family, and the fours of us had flown there. It was my first flight, and while I was a little young, my sister spent the flight handing out peanuts to all of the passengers. She’s always been a ham, and she’s good at it too.

I don’t remember anything else about the trip except Christmas morning. I woke up in a dark room with light streaming through a window. It wasn’t the typical amber yellow light I’m used to on the west coast. It was pale, muted, and as I rubbed sleep from my eyes I could see why. I looked out of the lace/see-through curtain and it was snowing! It was the only white Christmas I have ever had, and rather than it being a magical moment, it became an unnerving one. As I looked out the window, I realized that I was alone in this strange house, having slept on a strange floor, waking up to strange sunlight. Mom and Dad must have been able to keep 3 year old Amanda quite enough as they hurried her out of the room to let me keep sleeping. I groggily opened the door to the room revealing a hallway and some stairs. I sat down on the top step and listened, though I didn’t have to strain at all. There was tons of noise coming up the staircase from the family room, and I just there and listened. The staircase was built so that it was open on one side at the bottom, but you could see less and less of it as you ascended and the second story cut off your view, so I was still in hiding.

I bumped my but down one stair and leaned over, still couldn’t see anything. So bumped my butt down again and leaned over, just a little sliver was visible now, and I couldn’t make out who was who, just that there were many bodies moving around, laughing and joking, happy and warm. It made me feel good so I bumped another step so I could see everything. There were probably 30 people in that room (that’s what my little brain thought, but it might have been less) who were all talking, eating, drinking coffee, and huddled around the tree. 

I’m really glad this is my first memory, because that moment felt more like home than most memories I have after that. There was warmth and joy and love and delight in each other’s company. Looking back I think our living room that morning was the inspiration for cheesy Hallmark Channel movies. Really! Sweaters were worn, stockings were hung, cinnamon rolls were consumed, coffee was clutched, nieces and nephews were snuggled and cousins were wrestling. It was perfect. And as much as I wanted to be a part of it, I also liked being apart from it. It felt good to just receive the warmth of the moment without being engaged. And I know that sounds a little too deep for a two year old to process, but I felt it then and have realized what it was later in life. I think it also depicted what my life would feel like for most of my younger years: like I was always on the outside of happiness, desperately wanting to be in it but unable to. It was the both and of being on the inside and observing from the outside, and I still hold this tension today, when I choose to work in coffee shops, or like my office to be in the middle of things yet keeping my door closed most of the time.

Well, I could just watch forever without being spotted, and sure enough I was. I have no idea who pointed me out first, but soon there was a chorus or “Good morning, Christopher!” And “ Merry Christmas, Christopher!” Ringing out. They all called to me to join them and motioned for me to come downstairs, and ultimately I think I booty-bumped my way down the rest of the stairs with one of my parents meeting me at the bottom and scooping me up in their arms.

I’m glad this is my first ever memory.

God Delights In You

It’s like I want to interact with everyone, have them sit down across from me, and ask them to shut up for a second. It feels like everyone who comes to me wants something from me. And I just want them to press pause. Stop thinking, for one second, about everything they are trying to get. All the posturing, all the reacting, all the influencing, all the manipulation, all the “right” words used, the looks, the glances, the clothes, the selfies, the filters, the gym time. Just drop it for a second. Take a deep breath. Shut up. Stop fidgeting. Just. Exist.

Start to acknowledge and receive God’s love. You are a miracle. Literally a skin-bag of organs, bones, muscles, and a million other things that function and give you life. And your life is on purpose. Nothing to do with your parents. Nothing to do with your circumstances. You are on purpose because God said so. He SAYS so. Every day, every moment, every breath is because he says so. He sees you. He knows you. He literally is in you as he expands and contracts your lungs, filling them with his air.

Wait. I saw that. Don’t get distracted. Disregard every other “reality” of life. This is THE Reality. Nothing is more important than your very existence. Because by it we know we are seen, and that we are loved. And not just a, “Yeah God keeps me alive so that means I’m loved.” Of course it does! AND on top of that, you are delighted in!

This overwhelming, affectionate heart of God has been veiled too long! It has been misinterpreted, mistreated, and misrepresented so horrifically that people ACTUALLY think God is about rules! How wonderfully absurd! Wonderful because the Truth is So. Much. Better. If we took a moment to tell off the other places we go for validity, we must take a moment to tell off every incorrect notion of God we have. No matter if it is deeply ingrained or shallowly tolerated, it must be jettisoned. Like, comically put on a rocket and sent it the hell away from here.

Your boring and dispassionate experience at grandma's church when you were little. The disgusting words said to you from the lips of a Christian. The judgmental stares, mean rumors, vile evils done to you that in your head were strongly or loosely connected to the name of Jesus. And, without diminishment or invalidating them, your pain. Your scars. Your wounds. Your tears. Those matter, and Jesus will redeem them. But at this very moment they must be let go.

All must be lost. Completely abandoned. So that in this moment your heart can hear one thing.

GOD DELIGHTS IN YOU.

The one who made you, formed you, put that silly freckle in your earlobe and chose the perfect pitch for your laughter and extended your nose to its exact stopping point in the world.

The one who has counted and caught every tear that has broken the threshold of your lower eyelid and all the others that didn’t, holding you as you ugly cried uncontrollably.

The one who walks with you in your favorite places, seeing and smiling at all the little things that make you giggle quietly to yourself and remember how glad you are to be alive.

The one who has seen every middle finger you have extended towards the heavens as you spewed the most colorful language you knew, pouring your rage and pain and doubt and fear out at him.

The one who knows every question of your heart and refuses to give you the “right Christian answer” while telling you to suck it up, but instead holds your hand every step of the journey.

The one who knows the most horrific things you’ve done and said and thought, those things that have ruined lives and derailed futures and broken hearts, including your own.

That God, HE is the one who delights in YOU.

It doesn’t make sense. It is overwhelming. It must and it will speak into every moment of your life. It will be a lifelong wrestling match. It will make you laugh and cry and mad and peaceful. But this perfect, unqualified, unloseable AND unearnable, unchanging, generous, intense, and joyful delight and love from God is the truest thing about you. Nothing else defines you. Personality is weak. Gifts and strengths are pathetic. Looks, relationships, accomplishments, possessions. Garbage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying and is not representing God.

God delights in you.

Now, Oh Delightful One, let’s spend every moment living as royalty and inviting everyone into this family, created and stitched together by Love Himself.